Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Saying Goodbye Sucks

Yesterday was the day. Another dreaded day. A day that makes me sick to my stomach as I look back on it. I woke up at 2am this morning and I felt like I would be sick and my heart had sank into my stomach.
I met my husband yesterday afternoon to put our beloved little Buddy to sleep. I didn't think it was right for him to do it alone and I wanted to say goodbye also, so I left work early.



Buddy seemed content and happy when I greeted them in the car. He was sitting so good in the front seat by himself. As we took him in, he continued to wag his little tail.




We talked about his cancer and gave him the first medication to calm him down. Except it worked the opposite for him. He wanted to run around, get out, not sit and relax. I had just been thru this a couple of months ago with my first kitty ever(she was 18 years old) and it had been much easier.



And now, here we were with my first ever dog, doing the same thing. And he didn't want to go. And I didn't want him to go either. He was so good, but I felt wasn't ready for this journey. What could I say? It was already decided and in motion. We were only buying time for the inevitable.



And so they gave him the drug to help him pass over. And we started our goodbyes. The vet said he was gone and left the room. We stayed to say goodbye in private. After several minutes, my husband says -he's still breathing. I knew it in my heart. He didn't want to go and I didn't want him to go either.



We brought the vet back in to check and she had to give him another shot. I leaned down only to find a little tear next to his eye.



I'm so sorry Buddy. I loved you so much and I wanted you to stay. Your brother and sister don't know where you are and I don't know how to explain it to them. Today will start the hard day. The routine of feeding without you. Letting them out and trying not to call your name for you to come back in because you're not there. Petie going to lay on our bed without you(he will be so lost).






When I woke up at 2am, I came to the couch to comfort the little ones, but it was me that they comforted. As Petie watches me cry this morning-does he know? Will they think something will happen to them.






Oh God, help me comfort these little ones and get over this huge loss in my heart as these are my little children and it is so difficult.






Goodbye My Mr. Buddy Boy-you were the best dog that I could have ever asked for and I believe in my heart that God did send you to this home when you showed up here one day almost 10 years ago. We had wanted a dog so bad and you showed me how to love like I had never loved before. I'll be thinking of you in Heaven playing with Miss Kitty and Tater, and Mama, and of course, Bulls-Eye. Have fun until I can join you at the Pearly Gates!





16 comments:

  1. STOP! I am blubbering all over my keyboard!!! I know full well what you are going through. We have done it like a million times! I just went through it last week with my little goat, Charlotte! She was 14. I have all my dogs in jars on my shelf. But,...I once went to a psychic,she knew nothing of me except to hold my hands for a few moments. The whole hour was about all my animals!!!! And that they are with me all the time. They are happy and as soon as they pass over, they are pain free and normal. So take some comfort in this. My heart goes out to you and yours. 8^(

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  2. Oh Rebecca I am crying with you. I am so sorry, something I understand all to well. They are like our children. I have no problem being with people at the end but I just can not do it with my pets. I am glad you have your other puppies to comfort you.

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  3. Rebecca I know how hard it was for you as I have had to make this decision in the past. It does feel as if you are losing a child. I will be thinking about you and sending prayers and hugs your way. so sorry.
    Sherry

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  4. Rebecca,
    I am so very sorry!!
    I went through this twice and have elected never to go through it again so we no longer have any pets. Please stop by and read this post and the links in it as I remembered our sweet Savanna:
    http://debbie-dabble.blogspot.com/2011/08/sad-day.html
    I hope the link to the Rainbow Bridge will help you.
    My heart goes out to you as i know too well what you are going through...

    Many hugs,
    Debbie

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  5. Rebecca, I am so very sorry. I know how much losing a pet family member hurts. I'm sending lots of warm and healing thoughts your way.
    xo
    JoAnne

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  6. HI REBECCA! MY NAME IS EFFIE. SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH . I THING YOU CHOSE THE WRITE WAY . MY BLANKA MY DOG PASSED AWAY AND WE DID NOT HELP HER WITH YOUR WAY.I FEEL VERY SORRY BECAUSE I AM THINKING ALL THE TIME IF SHE HAD PAINS AND SHE CANNOT TELL US ABOUT. ................ GOODBYE BUDDY..................

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  7. Dear Rebecca, I am so sorry for your loss. Mr. Buddy sounds like he was one great friend. May he Rest In Peace...
    Blessing for you and your family..

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  8. Rebecca, you expressed your pain so well - it hurts so much. No matter how it plans out it is so painful. Remember all the love that you gave to Buddy and all the love that he gave you. Thank God we have the hope of seeing them again. Hugs to you and Eric. Wanda

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  9. Oh Dear, I am so so very sorry for you. God be with you and Buddy!
    Leticia

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  10. I'm so very sorry... losing a beloved fur baby is so hard, we recently lost our old Cat who had been with us 20 years, I still miss her and it seems odd not having her around the house. I am thankful that I didn't have to make such a difficult decision as your Family had to make, as she passed while I slept. May you find comfort and peace in the many fond memories of your beloved Buddy.

    Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  11. This post touched me deep at heart. I am very sorry to hear about buddy’s lose my friend… One can’t get comfort so easily from the loss of one who grown along with us. Love can’t be measure… Hope you get the strength to accept the lost of him – who lives in your heart always. Take care.

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  12. I had to do this once, I will never do it again. That is why I have not pets and never will.

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  13. Oh, I can so relate to the pain of losing a pet that is so part of the family. My prayers go out to you and hope they help ease some of the pain from this great loss!

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  14. Our pets hold our hearts in their paws, fully giving of themselves to us. Their passing is hard, hard, hard. Obviously, you gave Buddy a good life for him to live that many years. Sorry.

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  15. I am so sorry for your loss. I too, like you, and all these other sweet bloggers, have not only been through what you are going through now, we share in your pain. I came across your blog through Faded Charm because the picture of "Buddy". i was looking for new blogs, new ideas, and I found you & Buddy. Funny thing is, I have/had a "Buddy" and he looks much like yours. I am assuming he is a rat terrier? My ex-husband has him now, however I still get to babysit. Our Buddy is very old as well I know his time is coming ever closer. I have noticed many similarities between us in this one post & will continue to check back. Again, I am sorry for your loss and pray for comfort for you & your family.

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